Real Talk Tuesday: to every woman who struggles with self confidence

I’m not going to lie (I mean, I can’t because it’s real talk Tuesday) I’m a little fired up as I’m typing this post. I’m about to share a story of something that just happened and then how I am hoping to spin it into a positive to help every woman who struggles with self confidence.

Tonight (I’m typing this Sunday PM), my husband posted what I thought was a sweet and funny Instagram story of my son and I having a bedtime dance party to Cardi B (inappropriate song choice, likely. fun while Leo doesn’t understand the words, yes lol).
Anyway, a few hours later, Anthony said to me: “did you get some crazy comments tonight?!”
He proceeded to show me a few DMs from people regarding how I looked in that Instagram story I just mentioned.

“Lauren looks too skinny.”
“Her legs are getting really thin.”
“Lauren is really thin. Don’t let her get too small.”

Okay, where do I begin?! Give me a moment as I allow my initial “pop off” feelings (Cardi B reference lol) to calm down. I’m going to organize my thoughts and find a way to turn this into a positive.
Alright… I’m back. The comments shared with Anthony really bothered me. What’s funny is that you can receive 1000 comments of “you look amazing” and “your legs look so strong” (which I did receive) but all it takes is a few hurtful ones to spoil all of that.
Normally, I’m really tough about this stuff. It takes a lottttt to hurt me. Lately though, my reason for living a healthy lifestyle has changed. I workout to feel good and to feel strong. THIS is my number one reason for working out: to be an example of strength and self love to him.
I feel so proud of how far I’ve come in all of that. It wasn’t the comments themselves that hurt me… it’s that we live in a world where people think it’s okay to do that. And, that there are people out there who are really struggling to love themselves and that’s what they have to deal with. It hurt my heart to be perfectly honest.
So here… here is my note to ever woman who has ever felt the way I’m feeling now…
Hey beautiful,
I get you. In fact, we all do.
I have yet to meet a woman who hasn’t felt judged for her appearance or who hasn’t struggled with a positive body image for at least a minute.
We’ve all been there. We’ve all looked in that mirror or at that photo and struggled to love that self image.
You may have been told you’re too curvy, too thin, not fit enough or too fit. You may have heard words like fat, ugly, cellulite, rolls, saggy… what-the-f***-else?!
The list of ways to negatively view ourselves and our body is far too long.
The sad thing is I’m sure most of us could come up with a list of 10 negative traits about ourselves/10 things we would like to fix faster than we could think of 10 amazing characteristics about ourselves.
The obstacle to see the beauty in ourselves in only perpetuated by society. And, unfortunately, in my opinion, it is perpetuated at large by women in society.
The only way to hope for a change in this is to be the change.
When someone calls my body too thin, small, skinny… they don’t know that I’ve spent 27 years trying to love the woman I am.
That goes for all of us.
Self love… self confidence… they’re always going to be in that “work in progress” phase. I don’t believe you ever  get to a place where you’re just 110% confident or where you completely, totally have a positive body image. No matter who you speak to, whether you are reading my blog, a Tseela Blog or even speaking to friends, everyone will tell you the same, nobody ever feels 110% all the time.
It’s not like a line you cross or an award you win that can’t ever be stripped from you.
Loving yourself inside and out is something that has to be worked at every day.
And the reality is that words hurt.
So, how can we end this judgement of the way we look or the way others look.
Focus more on beauty!
If you look for beauty, you’ll see beauty. If you look for problems, I assure you… you’ll find problems.
This year, my sweet baby boy was born with 7 toes and a right leg that is significantly shorter than the left.
Talk about having to learn to love yourself.
Talk about perspective.
I’m sure you can think of something that’s happened to you in the past few months that’s completely shifted your perspective.
I’m certain you can look in the mirror and see your body for more than what it looks like.
Our bodies simply house the amazing people we are.
So, girl who may be struggling to love the body she’s in…
You are absolutely fabulous. I’m not sugarcoating sh!t. I mean that.
Allow me to remind you about a few amazing qualities I know of you (because I do know the type of woman who read my blogs, especially these types of posts):

  1. You’re someone who shows yourself respect by caring about how you treat your body
  2. You’re someone who is dedicated and committed. You’ve come here to my blog to better yourself. You’ve committed to becoming your best self and simply reading this is an act of that.
  3. You’re passionate, girl! You love healthy living and even if you don’t love every minute of it, you’re working on making this lifestyle style. You live intentionally. You take steps for a purpose. That’s incredible!
  4. You live on the bright side. You seek to find the silver lining. You do things that make you feel good. You spread that to others!
  5. You have so much to offer this world. There is good inside of you and no matter direction you choose to take your life, you’re going to be great!

I see 5 reasons for you to love who you are.
The shape or size of your body can’t even come close to those 5 things I just described about you. And your list certainly doesn’t end at number 5.
Sticks and stones can break your bones. And, words can hurt. The words you speak about yourself can hurt even more.
Be the difference. Start within.
Talk highly about yourself. Look in the mirror and see beauty.
If anyone wants to test that with a comment or criticism… use it as an opportunity to remind yourself of just how much you really do love you.
Life is far too short to be anything but confident.
I know you have it in you! I see it. Now, it’s your turn to feel it.
All my love,

I wanted to share 2 additional blog posts on this topic, you would love:
20 Simple Ways to Love Yourself
6 Things I do by MYSELF to Promote Self Love

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