I’m bringing Anthony onto the blog today to talk about healthy relationships and lessons we’ve learned from being together for over a decade. Health is at the center of who I am as it is for many of you. The further I get into my journey, I realize health is much more than workouts and meals, you know?! A big part of living a healthy life for me is… relationships.
We all know what it feels like to be in an unhealthy relationship whether that is with a significant other, a friend or family member. You know it’s unhealthy because of the emotional toll it takes on you. Unfortunately, these unhealthy relationships can steal the most amount of our energy.
A healthy relationship is something that requires our time, effort and consistent nurturing. Healthy relationships are so worth that investment. Today, I’m sharing 4 lessons my husband, Anthony and I have learned and a little couple q&a.
4 HAPPY, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LESSONS WE’VE LEARNED
1. INDEPENDENCE
Something that is really important in my relationship with my husband (and all my relationships/friendships actually) is independence. I feel like independence goes hand in hand with self-identity.
I know what is like to lose myself in a relationship. You feel dependent upon another person for your happiness and fulfillment. It actually feels great when that relationship is in tact and in a good place. But, as we all know, not all relationships last and relationships have ups and downs.
I need my independence to remain confident, happy and peaceful. I need my independence to feel like myself and to be my best self. My relationships are actually better when I can bring my best, happiest self to share with another. Luckily, Anthony (who I’m using most in these examples) is the same way. He likes his independence too which strengthens our relationship.
2. ALLOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO BE UNIQUE TO YOU TWO
This is something Anthony and I really embrace and maybe something you even notice from seeing us on social media. Anthony and I are just us. We don’t try to be a certain way in our relationship. From the time we were 15 to now over a decade later, we allow our relationship to be what it is and not make it fit a certain mold.
I’m an honest, direct person and I like those that I’m in relationships with to be the same way. For example, if I try on a dress (one that truly doesn’t look that great on me) and ask my husband how it looks, I rather hear:
“you have other ones that are more flattering”
than “you look so good baby. that looks amazing, my love. wear that.” (when in reality he is thinking that I have better options)
Don’t get me wrong… I don’t want to hear something that eats at my confidence and Anthony has an amazing way of building me up while being honest. But, I don’t want my husband to kiss my ass haha.
I have friends (couple friends who I both love dearly) who do kiss each others’ butts. That is what works for them and I respect it even though it’s not my style. Neither my way or their way is “better.” What I’ve learned is that you have to do what is best for your relationship.
3. COMMUNICATION REALLY IS KEY
You knew that one was coming, right?! Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Just talk as much as you can. I’ve learned 2 tricks I want to share with you.
1) my husband doesn’t like the whole “sit down, let’s have a serious talk” so I squeeze it in with a different approach. I don’t start the sentence with “we need to talk…” or make it deep. I keep my voice and introduction light even if the content isn’t.
2) say “I feel…” No one likes to be told: “you did this and you did that, and that is why I’m mad.” Instead, I simply say, I feel like a million times; I don’t know why but it’s less argumentative and Anthony responds to it really well.
“I feel hurt because I feel that when you picked up dinner you just got what you wanted and I feel that you didn’t think about me.” (I promise you that’s not a real example – I wish that was all I had to worry about haha).
4. TAKE INTEREST IN EACH OTHER’S INTERESTS
Anthony has interests that I personally could care less about. However, I care about them because he cares about them. And, I truly take interest! This one has been HUGE in my marriage and I think it can really strengthen any relationship.
Anthony and I have always been best friends with a romantic relationship and magnetic chemistry – if that’s a thing haha. At our foundation, we truly enjoy each other and I think it’s because of this. We do a lot of activities together because we’ve learned to love what each other is interested in.
Anthony probably wouldn’t be decorating our home in his free time if it weren’t for me. However, he loves watching Fixer Upper with me and he will gladly peruse the aisles at Hobby Lobby because I love it!
ANTHONY + LAUREN Q&A
I thought it would be fun to answer some questions together. I searched “couple questions” on Pinterest and here are a few I found. I’m pretty sure you got this, but A: is Anthony’s answer and L: is my response.
One thing on his/her bucket list
A: “Probably to live on a lake. Not a lot of people know this but Lauren’s bucket list isn’t filled with the typical bucket list things. Although, she would probably want that lake house to be decorated with anything and everything she could dream up.”
L: “Hmm… this is actually hard… Anthony doesn’t desire what most people would put on their bucket list. I feel like he would want an nice (but not over the top home) on a bazillion acres in Colorado where he and our kids would have all sorts of fun “toys”
^I am giggling that our responses were pretty similar about not the usual bucket list items
Least favorite household chore:
A: “Lauren can’t stand doing dishes. She likes to clean but not dishes.”
L: “We both despise doing dishes haha. Normally, we balance each other out pretty well… what I don’t like doing, he doesn’t mind and vice versa, but we both dislike dishes. It’s probably why they pile up for days lol.”
Favorite TV show:
A: “She loves Fixer Upper, Housewives of all over, and she watches Friends almost every night before bed. I never watched that show back in the day but it’s actually pretty funny.”
L: “The news? Anthony doesn’t watch TV much but he will watch Teen Mom and Fixer Upper with me haha.”
Least favorite food:
A: “I have no idea but she loves cheese, which grosses me out.”
L: “MAYONNAISE! He will so dramatically gag if you get it near him. And, he begs every waiter/waitress 100x to ensure his sandwich doesn’t have mayo.””
Favorite spot in our home:
A: “Probably Leo’s room – she loves organizing in there and of course playing with him. Leo finds us both hysterical and Lauren loves to play silly with him. I always hear both of them cracking up when they play in his room.”
L: “His man cave lol. Anthony has 1 bedroom upstairs that is ‘his’ room. You’d think he would be all into the fact that our home has a theater room (that we haven’t even set up) or all about the garage gym but he actually loves that man cave so much.”
Quality I admire most about my partner:
A: “Persistence. Lauren doesn’t quit. She will be up at 3 am fixing something on the website or she will be researching something for Leo for 3 straight months. I’m really proud of everything she accomplishes… she put in persistent work and works really damn hard.
L: “Passion! Sometimes I call them ‘Anthony Antics.’ Anthony is the most passionate person I have ever met. He does things at 110% or he doesn’t do it at all. If you’ve ever heard him talk about how much he loves Bang drinks or how overpriced he thinks a steakhouse is you know what I mean haha.”
First purchase your partner would make if we hit the lottery:
A: “I don’t know about a “first purchase” but I know she would probably want to spend some of the money on like 3 homes in her favorite places and just live a normal life between those.”
L: “Porsche 911 Turbo – a new one and the model from his favorite year.”
Who is up first in the AM:
A: “Lauren. I stay up later and she gets up earlier but with Mr. Leo, I like to let her sleep in some days so I’ll wake up with him. I love being up with him in the morning because he’s so fun.”
L: “Me. I am such a morning person and Anthony is a night owl. I actually like being up before everyone else in the AM.”
Who takes longer to get ready:
A: “Lauren obviously.”
L: “I probably take longer but I’m more efficient at getting ready so I’m done before Anthony. He will take a shower, make a call, do his hair, eat, pick out an outfit, chat with his neighbor friends, brush his teeth – you can see how I end up waiting on him.”
Who is the better driver:
A: “Oh, me! Fun fact – I drive us every single time when we are in the car together because Lauren doesn’t enjoy driving and I don’t like being driven so it works out well.”
L: “ANTHONY! I mean I hit a car on my driver’s test… is this even a question for us?! BUT, Anthony has gotten into a fender bender and I have not so that’s got to count for something, right?!.”
Who does more of the cooking:
A: “I would say it’s about half and half. We both have our favorite dishes that we cook so we trade off cooking. My best dish is meatballs and anything on the grill. Lauren’s best dish (or my favorite that she cooks) is a pot roast. <- THIS is the recipe
L: “I think it’s pretty even. I do the meal planning and some prepping. Anthony is better at whipping together a last minute, healthy meal that ends up tasting like he planned it all week.”
Who does the laundry:
A: “I do my own except for socks and undies – Lauren helps me with that. I also hang dry all my shirts and shorts because I don’t like it shrinking.”
L: “we both do. I do the laundry for Leo and myself. In typical Anthony style, he does his own because he think I shrink his shirts haha.”
There ya have it… my marriage in a nutshell haha. Healthy relationships are good for you and it’s worth putting in the time and effort (and occasionally knowing when it’s time to end a relationship). If you still need some relationship help to figure out why your relationship isn’t working, there are loads of helpful websites for you.
Also, thanks for being in a relationship with me. Your friendship means more than I will ever be able to put into words! XO
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